I have a confession: I liked the two remakes by Platinum Dunes. I thought they were entertaining, dumb horror films and dare I say it, actually kinda scary. They weren't masterpieces or anything but I enjoyed them for the most part so when I found out yet another Texas Chainsaw movie was coming out, and even though I wasn't impressed with the trailer, I decided to go see it.

What was I thinking?

I think you are forced to see it in 3D because, well, it says 3D on it but most of the time you forgot you are even watching it in 3D. It adds nothing to this movie. The movie starts off showing clips of the very original Texas Chainsaw Massacre which confused me because it totally obliterates the remakes. Actually it ignores the sequels too as the story picks off from there. It starts off with these hicks burning down the home of Leatherface and his family and one of the hicks takes a baby and kills the mother. Flash-forward to.... how many years later? Is it supposed to be 2012 because the baby should around forty, not in her early twenties as she clearly looks like. Anyway, she finds out she inherited this house and her and her cookie-cutter friends and some hitchhiker who appears nice only turns out to be a thief all go there. Then Leatherface turns out to be in the basement and all hell breaks loose.

This movie is so stupid I don't know where to begin. Well, the actions of the characters are just stupid. Before I get into that, though, there is one good scene in the film when Leatherface is chasing them but it all goes downhill from there. The movie offers up these turn of events that make no sense whatsoever. A cop goes back to the house alone and there is no backup anywhere in sight for one lone cop in a house with a crazed psycho with a chainsaw. Then characters turn bad for stupid reasons and one of them that played an intricate part of the storyline just disappears somewhere, never to be heard from again. Then by the end of the film, I don't even know who to root for the main heroine turns completely idiotic. Oh, and the ending just plain sucked.

This film is bad in so many levels. I kept thinking, "Who wrote this crap?" in so many parts of the movie. There wasn't many people at the theater either and I saw it at a night showing. If that's an indication, there might not be another Texas Chainsaw movie. Oh well.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise is a series of horror films which depict people meeting their ends at the hands of an Ax-Crazy family in Texas known as the Sawyers. The most famous of the Sawyers is the chainsaw-toting manic known as Leatherface whom now played by actor Dan Yeager. Unlike the other Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, that were often reboots or retellings. 2013's Texas Chainsaw 3D was supposed to be a direct sequel to the 1974 classic film: Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The movie erase or ignored the canon of 1986 sequel Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 & 1990s Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III from existence. The film begins with stock footage recap of the 1974 film, and the events that happen after it, with the victim escaping the family's home. A lynch mob was gather up for revenge, and the Sawyer's family were killed off by them. The movie really expand the number of family numbers to a large amount. Honestly, where were half of these characters in the first movie!? For the most part, the family members that were added, are just there to get killed off, or pay homage to the first movie by having the actors in the 1974 film, to return. A good example are Gunnar Hansen as Boss Sawyer: Hansen last portrayed Leatherface in the 1974 original film and John Dugan reprise as Grandpa Sawyer. They even got Marilyn Burns, the original final girl to play a role in the film. One of new Sawyers members was an infant girl, who was spare and rescued by one of the townspeople. The infant grew up to become Heather Miller (Alexandra Daddario), a 20 year old woman who decades later, learns that she inherited a mansion from her biological grandmother. With her friends, she go there and they learn the hard way that Leatherface is still alive. First off, how is Heather in her 20s?? The movie doesn't know what time period, they want to place her in. Her and her friends look like they were dressed in late 1970s/1980s, but it's clearly pointed out that 2012 with the camera phones and tombstones explicitly saying the date. Leatherface would be in his 60s. Gees… he is able to run around in his age. Wouldn't Heather be like 48 year old, not in her 20s??? If the movie was place in the late 1990s where Heather would be in 20s, it would make more sense. I really don't see, the reason, why the movie had to set in the present day. The movie tries to hide this mistake, by conveniently trying to hide the year obscured and everyone seems to be going out of their way to not mention what year "August 19th" was. The movie has no sense of time. I have a hard time believing that Leatherface had time to un-earthed a rotten body in 10 minutes flat, just for a jump scare. The first half of the movie is just the same tiresome clichés structure of any horror movie, with a bunch of unlikeable teenagers partying too much, and having sex when they should be wondering why characters were getting whack off, one by one. The second half of the movie, has the balls to turn Leatherface into the anti-hero, when Heather learn about the truth of her past, and the townspeople decide to take their vendetta on her. Yes, the movie wants us to root for the cannibals! Heather was the most decent character in the film, but the movie had the need for her to team up with Leatherface against the evil town-folks. Wow, that's BS! Let's forget, that Leatherface killed most of her friends and try to kill her in the first half. This isn't a spoiler, since the audience knew fully aware that Heather is related to Leatherface, but why is she teaming up with him. Honestly, it would had made better, if she was given a Laurie Strode like role in 1981 Halloween 2, having to fight both the town folks and the chainsaw manic. The movie was made in 3-D, but it was rarely used. When it was use, it was just awkward or gimmicky. The movie is full of bad one-liners. The movie has a number of gorn like scenes that horror people might love, but it's badly done. Check out the awful CGI blood scenes to get why it's bad. The movie got first a NC-17 rating due to excessive gore, but after cutting it down. It was resubmit to the MPAA, and got an R rating. The movie was produced by Twisted Pictures & Lion Gates distributing. Both companies are known for their Saws movie series. There is a cameo of a chainsaw-wielding man dressed as Jigsaw in the film to hint about that. There is also a post-credits scene, that doesn't add anything to the plot. Watch it, if you want to. Overall: I get that the movie was made with heart with director John Luessenhop onboard. The obvious goal of the film was to attract genre enthusiasts who value faithfulness to the classics. It kept most of the homages, but it ruins it by the antihero concept. I do like the reappearance sound of the flash the camera makes, but for the most part, the movie is a laughable attempt to follow the original. The 2003's Texas Chainsaw Massacre is far superior to this film. It's still better than a lot of the other remakes and sequels out there.

John Luessenhop's Texas Chainsaw 3D is a bad, bad movie. You know this. I know this. Unfortunately the producers and studio that backed this latest incarnation of Tobe Hooper's original genre-creating slasher film ignored what we, the audience, already knew, and decided to milk the franchise-cow for the sixth (and hopefully, final) time.

This new reimagining (as Hollywood likes to call it) starts off promising with archive footage of the original film. That was the first five minutes. After that, the movie spirals into unexplained and implausible territory, asking its audience not only to suspend disbelief, but disregard it completely.

The 2012 version of Texas Chainsaw is a direct sequel of the original, with the prologue taking place in 1974. Vigilantes show up at the infamous Sawyer home where the murders of several young adults literally just happened and proceed to torch it to the ground in a fit of vengeance. Amongst the chaos, a young Sawyer woman with an infant is found hiding in the garage. Then, in a laughably inane act of kindness followed by harsh brutality, one of the vigilantes saves the baby girl and randomly kicks the Sawyer woman square in the face.

If there was anything 2011's The Cabin in the Woods has taught us, it's that ridiculously attractive young adults will always venture out to parts unknown for no reason and behave in ways normal human beings would never agree to in real life given eerie circumstances.

Cut to Heather Mills (starring Alexandra Daddario's midriff and breasts). She finds out she inherited a home in Texas after her previously unknown grandma passed away while simultaneously discovering she's adopted. Usually this would tear at the soul of a normal person, being lied to your entire life by people you thought were your parents, but no. Heather's first instinct is to collect on her inheritance by dragging along her boyfriend, Ryan (Tremaine 'Trey Songz' Neverson), her best friend, Nicole (Tania Raymonde), and Nicole's boy toy (Keram Malicki-Sanchez) on an impromptu road trip. Along the way, they pick up a hitchhiker named Darryl (Shaun Sipos), apparently to add to the inevitable body count.

Texas Chainsaw fails to mention the time discrepancy as the original film took place in the 1970s and this new film clearly states it's 2012. Heather should be pushing 40, but no bother. In a movie like this, the only thing that matters is the gore, the scantily clad women, and the infamy of the original.

To read the rest of the review (IMDb form too short) visit: http://custodianfilmcritic.com/Texas- chainsaw-3d/